and so....

I'm seriously thinking about leaving.

Not that I want to.... But I can't stand this pain anymore.

Once I thought if I'd get through that one situation I'd be OK.

I never believed that situations keep on repeating itself with different people.


I'm not doing anything yet. But I'm seriously thinking about it.

Overly sensitive people have a difficult time in this life if they're faced with evil and its produce.

Uncertain future.... the streets are waiting for me....

And, so, I've been told that the job I'm working at isn't going to exist anymore, some time around April. At the age of 55 it is practically impossible to find another job. Unless one can afford to work for wages that won't even pay the purchase of dry bread.

I'm very upset. It is worse because for my employer I really think it's the best thing she can do - she's totally falling apart since her parents died within one year of each other.

So, though I'm very happy for her... I also am very fed-up with the fate I encounter in this life. All the time struggling. First with a partner, then with letting go of the partner and then with the financial implications such as being scared to death to end up in the streets.

Why do I have such bad luck in my life?? What have I done wrong??

I'm sooooo sad. SOOOOOOOOOOO sad ---- and so terribly, TERRIBLY, afraid :(

quick celebration

but so important. to me.

el gaucho was part in it. about making the right decisions (by filling in those coupons) and having those who care about you contribute to you feeling a little bit well:


(btw: don't worry on flickr this photo isn't visible to anyone but family and on this blog only very few people who can be counted on one hand can see it)

Birthday

Yet another birthday without seeing my children and grandchildren :(
I try to hold myself up all the time with just moving thoughts about it away from my mind but my heart can't lie. Allowing myself to cry is my present to myself today.

Photos of last Shabbat

First I found this mosquito with his rainbow wing on my fridge. Who could have thought those annoying insects can be so beautiful?


I then noticed the eruption out of these gorgeous liquid diamonds at a fountain on the way to the Nemaal:



I-Spy (based on the old-fashioned spionnetjes we adjusted near our windows when I was child) - twice. Once in the park and the second at the Nemaal.



Both H. and me took pictures of each other with the stunning sunset as our decorum:


but it seems H. caught the sun touching my shoulder as if to contact me:


As the sun set:


there were all kinds of activities going on like the moon showing that a "blue moon" isn't a fairy tale:


and this man, of whom I made a photo in 2008 as well, walking on a thin rope, standing out because he seems to give himself over to the sunset:


the reflection of the sunset in the showcase windows of a restaurant on the boulevard:


artificial colored lights lighted up outside restaurants to attract people... making it "cosy" I suppose?


while looking away from your left side to the right the sun still didn't wanna let go of the day he just passed and projected his rays into the upcoming night - making for a gorgeous red aura:


and then, finally, when he (the sun) moved on to treat other parts of the world with his presence, the English Jail (at the beginning of the 20th century it was at least) lighting up the part of Jaffa that sorta seem to stick out into the sea:

Sunrise twice

Walked to the Nemaal alone with Klaas last week Shabbat and today with H. and Klaas. Last week I also walked back home but today we took the bus soon as Shabbat was over. Following the photos.

Of Last Shabbat (the last day of the year 2011, on which I found it suitable to let the sun come down on)













This photo is about the net the municipality placed underneath the apartments of that building seemingly to prevent objects from falling on the head of passerby's - Do they think those inhabitants throw out objects? Strange thing that....


These are photos of the day before that, December 30th, 2011 - when strikingly gorgeous skies cried out to have their photo taken.



And, two Bulbuls saying Goodmorning to me right through my kitchenette window:


Tomorrow I will place the photos of today...